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The Grinch
By Margot | December 14, 2010
“The Grinch hated Christmas! The Whole Christmas Season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on just right. It could be perhaps that his shoes were too tight. But I think the most likely reason of all May have been that his heart was two sizes two small.” -Dr. Seuss
I think maybe The Grinch’s heart was broken. I’ve been thinking of him up alone in his cave a lot this Christmas season and I sort of wish I were up there with him. The refrain in my head lately is, “I MUST find some way to stop this Christmas from coming!” That’s what comes from reading Dr. Seuss 700 times to your kids. I seem to be on the verge of tears all the time these days. The Christmas music, the lights, the trees, the cookies. Argh. Sam was such a Christmas guy. He loved to put on the Christmas music with me and decorate the tree and cookies and do all the Christmas stuff and he loved picking out presents. He loved giving people his presents. I think he liked that more than getting them and he sure did like getting them. He loved to read “Bear’s Christmas Star” when he was little and put the star on the top of the tree.
We did decorate his mixed up tree with lights and I bought some new lights to put up on the front window. I am too much of a chicken to brave the garage to get the decorations out and the thought of packing our stockings for New Mexico and seeing Sam’s in the bunch makes me sick. He would be so mad at me for wimping out like I am.
We all know there was hope for the Grinch and I promise not to steal Christmas. There are two little boys from whom I cannot possibly steal it and my hope lies in them. Christmas magic has snuck in anyway of course. Charlie talking to Santa at the tree lighting on the pier and backing up into me as far as possible and whispering what he wanted so Santa could barely hear and asking me beforehand if we were going to see “the real Santa.” Andy asking for about 50 sports jerseys and when I stopped to tell him they are not cheap he replied, “Hellloooo, Santa? YOU don’t have to pay.” And in contrast, Andy so grown up last night telling me on the way home from the park when I was teary, “Well, mom, we just have to make the best of it. Sam is here with us.” Charlie downstairs singing to Elizabeth, “III’mmm goooing to plaayy Madden 09 because I looove football and I’mmm going to plaaay Chargers and 49ers becaaase it is the Thursday night gaaame.” Andy, who pulled his hip flexor in soccer practice on Friday and had to miss his All Star Tournament except for a little goalie time, remembering to limp the last couple of days only after someone asked him about the injury. My hope lies in all four of us getting out of town – going to New Mexico and Telluride and being with my whole family including my brother and his whole family who are flying in from Australia. It lies in cousin chaos for the boys and snow and a big tree that my dad cut down and luminarias and tamales.
Meredith took wonderful pictures of the boys and Neil and me for Christmas cards which I don’t know if I can send out. We took one of Deb’s pictures of Sam with us (hope that’s ok, Deb) and they came out so well. I promise to post them if I don’t send out cards. I told Meredith I wouldn’t even know what to say on a card and she came up with the perfect quote that she’d found for us by Agnes M. Pharo, “What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.” Now, I just need some help with that courage part.
Margot
Topics: Progress Reports | 9 Comments »
December 14th, 2010 at 10:57 pm
I love the quote! And YOU do show courage each day by living to the Max and always having Sam in your heart.
December 14th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
Ah Margot,
I’m sitting here in tears reading this..because I know…I really know exactly what you are going through..we aren’t just going through the same journey, but at the exact same time too…and even though it’s been 9 months…it’s still utter torture…
I have been working so hard on picturing the sheer joy they are having now in heaven..I keep reading over and over again this particular part in the book “the shack”…the part where the Dad gets a glimpse of his daughter and she was soo happy..she ran and jumped into Jesus’ arms…Oh, the joy!!!!!! She told him it was ok…she was ok…
I absolutely KNOW that our children are “ok”…I really really believe that!!! And I truly believe that they remember us..they just have a knowledge now that we humans can’t comprehend..they just simply smile,knowing that they will see us soon….very soon in their world…just a moment to them..
It’s only us that are hurting so bad…
thinking about, praying and loving you all the way from Tennessee while our babies are celebrating in heaven!!!!!!!
love,
rhonda
December 15th, 2010 at 1:43 am
I really do not have any words of wisdom to share, like experiences, or anything that could ease your pain. I can just say that I think of your family and Sam often. As a mom, my heart aches for your unthinkable loss. I DO know that Sam’s life mattered. He will never be forgotten, and he is thought of often.
December 15th, 2010 at 2:38 am
Thinking of you and keeping you close in our prayers. Hoping right along with you.
December 15th, 2010 at 5:57 am
Thinking of your family and our friend Sam. Merry Christmas Sam! Love Madison’s Mom
December 16th, 2010 at 5:31 am
Merry Christmas to all the Hutchison’s!
My hope for you and Neil is that someday, joy replaces the devastating pain you have in your hearts.
My prayer for you and Neil is extra courage to “celebrate” the holidays with your family….. even though your loss is so deep and
fresh.
thinking of you often,
love, Colleen
December 19th, 2010 at 12:36 am
Margot,
I’m sitting in my living room waiting for the Sabres game to start with Joe and my daughter Angelina trying hard to hold the tears back. I am soooo.. in the same place as you.
I have never not been home for the holidays but would love to disappear until they are over. I dont know how I will sit in front of the christmas tree and hand out presents and not hand any to Melina. I;m a little panicked over that. I dont want to be a basket case and make the day sad for Sam, Nick and Angie. I know it will be hard enough for them.
So I suck it up and have tried to keep many of our traditions. But other than decorations for the tree I have not put up any of our usual things. I went to the store and bought new garlands to hang around the house. I did put up their stockings and hung Melina’s in its usual place. I will always do that. This year I filled my kids stockings already but they cannot have them till christmas morning. Melina’s was empty. I didnt like that so I have been writing her notes on red heart shaped paper and stuffing them in her stocking. I have encouraged others to do the same and quickly it is filling up. I had to do something for her at christmas so I thought filling her stocking with words of love and full of memories would be a gift she would love.Really it is more for me than anything.
I to will try and surround myself in family chaos and cooking to help pass the time and keep my mind busy. Keeping my mind busy seems to be the only way I get through a day with any kind of sanity.
I love the quote your friend found for your christmas card…it is perfect for us.
wishing you all Peace, good health, laughter and chaos to keep your mind busy.
Much love
Lisa mom to Melina
December 20th, 2010 at 1:15 am
Thoughts and prayers for you. I am awed by your strength.
December 23rd, 2010 at 11:46 pm
Thank you for sharing the quote! Your strength and honesty is inspiring – sending you the best wishes.