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Outrun it?
By Margot | June 15, 2010
Sorry for the lack of update. I keep starting an update and then deleting it.Â
Andy went to grief camp this past weekend and he had a great time. Isn’t that a funny thing to say? “A great time at grief camp” has got to be the world’s greatest paradox. He went canoeing and climbed the rock wall and got to hug a horse. He brought two pictures of he and Sam and did a lot of memory and coping activities too. I really recommend Camp Erin for any kids who have suffered a loss. They’ve really got a fantastic program. I have to say that I had several moments dropping him off and picking him up that seemed totally surreal. “Here I am dropping Andy at grief camp because his brother died. Who in the hell ever thought this would be part of my life?” Also, some of the ceremonies they told us about at the wrap up had me very close to tears.  We drove up with Mallary and her kids,  George (9), Jillian (7) and Claire (5).  As I think I’ve written before, they lost their dad last year to cancer. - On a side note, I got a query letter for a book in my inbox for work this morning titled “Cancer as a Gift.” – Not really thinking I’m the person to work on that one.  Anyway, George and Jillian attended camp too and it was great to drive up with them. I told Mallary, I think George is going to be a comedian when he grows up. We had a lot of laughs on the drive up and back.
Neil and I had a nice weekend with Charlie boy, he had a nice playdate on Saturday with his best buddy Jett and sister Kennan and Maureen came over Saturday night for dinner.  He is still wearing his Lakers jersey every day and manages to keep us laughing. I wasn’t sure that I should write about this story because it isn’t going to get me “mother of the year” but what the heck. One of Sam’s favorite songs was “I Got a Feeling” by The Black Eyed Peas and Maureen got us the CD a while ago. The boys love to listen to it but the first song on there is Boom Boom Pow which has some bad language in there.  So we were listening to the CD in the car the other day and Boom Boom Pow came on and Andy shouted out, “This has bad words. This has bad words.” I said, yes let’s just ignore the bad words and try not to listen to them and definitely not repeat them.” So Andy says, “Yeah but does Charlie know which ones are bad, what if he doesn’t know.” I said “I’m sure he knows, lets not _”  Andy interrupts, “Charlie Charlie, do you know what “S” “H” “I” “T” spells?” Charlie nonchalantly shrugs his shoulders and says “I don’t know…. F&*^K?” He said it flat out no qualms at all and I nearly crashed into a tree laughing.  Nice huh.  Andy’s counselors loved him at camp and I was so proud of him going to an overnight camp. He’s started his basketball practices for the summer league and carries his ball with him everywhere he goes.  As does Charlie pretty much.
Neil went golfing on Sunday and I’m really glad he got out. He hasn’t much and it was good for him to go. I went last night to a coaches meeting for soccer. I’m helping coach Charlie and Neil is coaching Andy. All I could think of was Sam and how I wish he were signed up for fall soccer. The more they talked about “under tens” the more it was a knife in my heart.  Though I’ve tried really hard to outrun the sadness by keeping busy, lately a general glumness has settled over me. I’m off for some exercise  so perhaps I can run out from under it. Ha ha. Don’t be surprised if you see me on the news as the next Forrest Gump because I might have to run across the country and back for that.
Margot
Topics: Progress Reports | 7 Comments »
June 15th, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Oh my goodness Margot you just described my life. Except the part about the colorful language. Very funny. I am going to run now too. We could run across the country together and no one will think of Forrest Gump with us together, right? Wish Aron and Lesa did not have to wait until the end of August for Camp Erin. So glad it was good for Andy. Love you guys so much.
June 16th, 2010 at 6:07 am
Outrun it? Yeah.. Good luck on that. I’m beginning to think that the pain is something we should hold on to. Why? It’s connecting with the amazing person Sammy was, and is.
You know… “Because of” 😉
I’ll be doing Ironman Coeur D’Alene with our son Luke in less than two weeks.
One problem… I’ve been running so much, I’ve got this nagging ankle injury. What to do?
“Because of” 😉
If I can be one tenth the person Sammy is, I’ll be having a good day.
We miss you Sammy.
June 16th, 2010 at 5:52 pm
YOu just described my life too!! With the colorful language!!!! : ) I think about you guys constantly!!!! How this all came about…Our sweet babies going to heaven so close to each other…So heartbreaking….yet so incredible..I truly believe they are together…All of these little warriors….
Run Margot!! Run!!!
June 16th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Charlie! Take a lesson from your Uncle and never use foul language.
Andy-as always, doesnt miss a beat, has a terrific sense of justice/injustice, counts everything to be sure its “fair”…ya gotta love him.
Paused on Saturday to think of Sam. The gravity of all of this has gotten heavier as time has passed. Some type of inverse relationship to distance.
Guess we can’t run, gotta turn and face it.
Finally, you have such an honest laugh Marg’s that I can see you almost hitting the tree…laughing as Charlie, the simple fact stater, states what he doesnt know.
T
June 17th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Thinking of you today. My littest Savannah said to me when she found a $1 bill that she was going to give 1/2 of it to the animals at the humane society and 1/2 of it Sam’s friends with the bad cold. I had to explain to her that cancer was not a cold but he is still on her mind. Madison on the other hand gets really sad when Sam is mentioned and is still having a hard time with it. Glad Andy went to camp and Charlie is as cute as ever! Angela (Madison’s Mom)
June 18th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
You keep running Margot! Do what you gotta do….
and imagine Sam is there running with you…
and run to Neil, Andy and Charlie…
and all of us who love you and care for you!
My heart aches with you,
thinking of you, Colleen
June 18th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Reminds me of the time that I was trying to get a temp on Jordyn and the only thermometor in the house was the ear one and she hated that one. So as I was trying to get a good reading by turning it this way and that in her ear she got all huffy and puffy and yelled right in my face, “Mom! twit it! that futin hurts!” I had to go into the kitchen cause I was laughing so hard. I suppose they are all entitled to a few bad words after all they have been through though. Thinking of you often, The Olsens.