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Twelve
By Margot | July 13, 2012
baby sam at the beach
I can’t sleep. It’s officially Sam’s birthday 2:02am. I got out Sam’s baby book which I haven’t looked at literally in years. It’s sort of more of a journal that I wrote to Sam while I was pregnant with him that I planned on giving him when he turned eighteen. I wrote about what Neil and I were up to -went to see Tiger Woods play in the Buick open and to a Jimmy Buffet concert- a lot of things I’d forgotten about. I wrote about what was going on in the world. Exciting stuff like, “Peace talks are breaking down again in Israel” , I pasted a review of Aunt Molly’s latest book and told him about everyone in the family. But I also have little pictures of his first little ultra sounds with him giving us the thumbs up and I detailed all of the things I was doing to get ready for his arrival and assured him how excited his Dad and I were for him to arrive. I wrote about possible names if he were a girl (he was always going to be Sam if he was a boy) and all about his baby shower. Neil wrote little notes to him in there too. I laughed out loud about the fact that I spent two pages telling pre-Sam all about the Elian Gonzalez case and then wrote, “that was probably too much information.” Ha Ha.
The unexpected part and the part that was such a gift for me at 2am on Sam’s birthday, that I’d completely forgotten about, is that I kept writing letters after he was born. Not very many but there is so much of Sam’s little baby personaltiy in those letters to him. They are gushy, new mom crazy about her baby letters that make me smile and make my heart hurt. A few excerpts from baby Sam’s journal:
“Hi Sam, You were born on July 13th at 7:50 pm. I can’t believe you are six weeks old. You are sleeping now on our big cushy chair in the living room. You are so beautiful. I love to watch you sleep. You are the most perfect baby. You are beginning to smile at us now and your little smile just melts my heart.”
“Well it’s been a while since I’ve written in here. You are keeping me very busy. You are eight and a half months old and getting more and more fun every day. All you want to do is grab our hands and walk. You are actually running around our apartment hanging on to whomever’s hands are convenient. You are a very happy baby – almost a toddler- I can’t believe it. You love dogs -they make you laugh. You love being outside- a lot of times you’ll walk straight up to the door and look up so I can take you outside. You also love any kind of water, the bath, the pool, the beach. You become beside yourself with joy when we take you to the beach. You love your daddy, you always have big smiles for him when he comes home. Some of your dislikes include: sleep, you are still not sleeping through the night. You have actually done it once but it’s not a usual thing. Everyone keeps telling us to let you cry it out but we can’t bring ourselves to do it; Getting strapped into anything- you don’t like getting into your car seat, your stroller, your high chair – I think it’s because you’d much rather be moving around..”
“Dear Sam,
You turned nine months last Friday and you are walking. No one in the mommies group can believe it. You are the most advanced baby in the crowd. You just want to go all the time. When you get a little more practiced at it, I’m in trouble. You are so adorable – just the cutest happiest baby. You have a smile for everyone you meet. You love animals. Maureen and I took you to the Wild Animal Park this past weekend and you fed a giraffe. You thought it was the greatest thing ever and even tried to push a guy out of the way who was taking a picture so you could see the giraffe. It was really funny – you did it very gently.”
“We love you so much Sam, Can’t imagine life with out you. You make me happy just to look at you every day – smiling, waving – you wave with both hands, walking around like a drunkard, and laughing. I could spend all day listening to that laugh.”
“You dad and I are having so much fun watching you grow. We go to bed at night laughing and talking about all of the amazing and funny things you did during the day. You have definite ideas about what you want to do and are starting to let us know it. You love to play the “magic carpet” game where you jump on a blanket and your father or I pull you around the house. You also love to ride on our back while we paly “Jurassic Park” or “Gu Gunk” You have a little rocking horse that we race you accross the floor on too. I have a feeling you are going to be a speed demon.”
Happy Birthday sweet boy. Oh we miss that laugh. We will be at your favorite park on Saturday celebrating. Andrew has a baseball game on your birthday and says he’s going to hit a good one for you. Both your brothers are gearing up for a water balloon fight in your honor.
Love,
Mom, Dad, Andrew and Mr. Baby Dude
Topics: Progress Reports | 10 Comments »
July 13th, 2012 at 3:10 pm
A beautiful blog, Margot. We miss that little boy, the smile, the SPEED, and the laugh so much. Seems like an eternity ago that we would take the baby jogger down to the boardwalk for a run, then let Sam put his toes in the ocean. I remember vividly how thrilling this was for Sam. I thought parenting would be so easy because of him!
Love you guys!
July 14th, 2012 at 1:48 am
Margot and Neil,
My heart is with you. What a beautiful tribute and something every parent can relate to. What a beautiful, beautiful boy who will live on in so many hearts. Thinking of you and sending my love.
Mindy
July 14th, 2012 at 3:24 am
What a wonderful find to stumble upon at a great time of need for your heart. I smiled with tears in my eyes reading your written memories of the Baby Sam. He is still beautiful today… in our heart and in our minds and in our souls.
Happy Birthday Sam.
The Mikulak’s are looking forward to a water balloon fight.
July 15th, 2012 at 2:23 pm
My heart hurts for the Hutchisons, but I am grateful you have these wonderful memories and the treasured mementos. Andy & Charlie’s tributes to Sam are a testament to the person he was and to the amazing parents you & Neil are. Hugs from your former neighbor, and happy birthday, Sam!
July 17th, 2012 at 3:35 pm
What an awesome birthday update. It is those small moments and observations that make life beautiful. So glad you have these forever.
Happy birthday Sam. Your family and friends will always remember
July 20th, 2012 at 8:49 pm
I read your post and it made me remember what a great writer you are and how glad I am this gift you created for Sam turned out to be a gift for you too. I think about you guys often and I know you are living every day with Sam in your hearts.
August 8th, 2012 at 4:27 pm
a beautiful post… thinking of you. love to all the remarkable Hutchisons. Jan
August 9th, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Been thinking so much of Sam this week. Mack made a new friend at camp in CO who just came to visit us for a few days. I haven’t seen Mack laugh and be this relaxed and himself around a friend since hanging out with Sam. It was lovely to see, and brought back so many memories. Before his friend left today, I asked him when his birthday is …the same as Sam’s. That made me laugh and cry at the same time. So happy that you have your journal to go back and cherish. I remember Sam being the early walker! The early everything-er. He continues to be so loved. See you for Charlie’s big b-day. Love –
September 8th, 2012 at 9:53 pm
I continue to follow just a few of the NB children……as so many have gone to the other side of life….It completely breaks my heart. Now the passing of Jack Bartoza…..there really are no words…..My niece Morgan continues to be a miracle……..and I thank god every single day…….but that does not explain why so many are gone because of this horrible disease…..I know my brother waits in agony for the results from the 6 month scans…..
If this helps any…… Sam has changed the lives of thousands of people on this Earth….I know that I am a better human being because of these precious children….and I truly believe….Sam lives on within you each and every day…………..
September 20th, 2012 at 3:48 am
Hi Margot & Neil,
Just because I haven’t commented in awhile, doesn’t mean I haven’t had you on my mind…. I know Neil & Nick have been swapping texts/emails and that warms my heart. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes reading your lovely, touching birthday note to Sam. A special, special baby and young boy! I am happy that you were able to smile and even laugh out loud rereading your baby book entries to him. An unexpected gift… one to share with his brothers someday also.
Know that you are wished peace and comfort as you continue to make each day special for Andy & Charlie & you and Neil.
Many hugs, Colleen