By Margot | August 24, 2011
The title of this post is Andrew’s answer to Charlie’s question of “How long does school last?” I swear that kid can come up with some good one liners.
Charlie will be “feeling the pain” in two weeks and marking a new chapter for the whole family. It will be the first time in eleven years someone hasn’t been home at least part of the school day. Sam would be starting middle school and though I don’t imagine the first day of school is not going to be hard, the rest of the year, will be a bit easier. I will not run into his friends around every corner at school. I will not have to step into the fifth grade room and imagine his smiling face and have to run out to avoid a panic attack (or maybe that will still happen). There are so many memories for us of Sam at our little school that he will be ever present there but this year will be a little different in that his class will not be there. It also means that my little boys are growing up. They have both grown so much this summer. Both on the trip to Colorado making extraordinary firsts, Andrew catching his first fish on a fly rod with Grandpa, with his new soccer team forging new friendships and working his tail off, Charlie, with his rock climbing persistence and hitting the big five. Charlie blows us away sometimes with his memory. We were talking about going to meet some friends of mine from the office for lunch and Andrew said, “Who?” and Charlie said, “You remember, she had two little girls, Kansas and her little sister, and they named their cats Opitmus Prime and Lucy.” He’d only met them once and it was over a year ago. I didn’t even remeber their cats’ names. Neil and I looked at each other like, “Where did this kid come from?” He loves to practice baseball and soccer as those are his current sports of choice. I’m coaching his soccer team this fall.
Although I am under no illusions that my little five year-old kindergartner and my big third grader will no longer need me, the fact that Charlie is off to school is a little mentally terrifying. I’ve been so good about wrapping myself up in the boys needs and their world to keep going that I don’t want to contemplate any alternative. I suppose I could just do it forever and be one of those hovery mother-in-laws that will make my daughter-in-laws want to pull their hair out by telling them just how Andy likes his BLT and how Charlie likes his chocolate milk. I’ll be just like the mother in “Everybody Loves Raymond.”
I have finally had some dreams about Sam, though they’d both be considered by a therapist, if I ever saw one, as nightmares I could still in my dream feel my whole body tingle with happiness at seeing him. I was expressing frustration to my friend Mallary(she lost her husband Ed to cancer), who is one of my friends who has been forced to be my surrogate therapist, on not dreaming of Sam more and she said such a smart and obvious thing to me, “If we knew we could dream about them, if we could summon it, we’d never get out of bed.” Duh! Of course. Hope you don’t mind my quoting you again, Mallary.
Anyway, that’s my update. I’ll post pictures of the first day of school as our little Charlie boy takes his first step into big kid world (though in his mind, he’s been there for at least three years now).
Please keep the kids still fighting and the other angel parents in your thoughts. The humanized 3f8 trial is finally open and I hope that it makes dreams come true.